IT'S OFFICIAL PEOPLE AM IN LOVE

I am officially in love. Out of fear of being branded a stalker I will use initials. I am in love with T.M, yes I am over the moon in love, puppy love I should add. Since my so-called love does not know I exist. Yeah I live in a sad sad world. I have been in love since I discovered him. Let me tell you about him. He is a great writer. He tells a story so beautifully that you can see it unfold.
When I was in class seven, I begun reading his stories. I wanted the paper because of his story. On Friday, he was a bad boy who sounds crazy and fun while on Saturday, he was calm and collected. He fit into his different personas effortlessly.
This how the like affair begun. I have in the years matured enough to like him more. I now completely understand that writing is a hard job. It is therefore commendable that he manages to write stories on a daily basis. When crazy monday,  was started, he was one of its contributors.
An example of how talented he is, is this. On Fridays, he has a column in a major Kenyan newspaper, in the Nairobian , a recently launched newspaper by Standard media, he wrote two articles. In each of the articles he is unique adapting appropriately to suit the readers.
He has published two books that completely speak to me. I have been a loyal fanatic ahem I mean fan of his written word.
I am convinced that I am in love because, all the events he has been scheduled to speak at I have attended and he unfortunately has not. The most recent event,he did not attend because he missed the bus, yes he conveniently missed the bus. He unbelievably missed the bus.
I believe that I am still meant to meet him. Therefore when I got a chance to sit in a meeting of the magazine he writes for, I jumped at that chance and guess what he did not come.
I am in love with his talent. A little victory the reason I wrote this is because he sent me an email.Okay, me and everyone who was at the meeting but the main thing is ME.
The joy am in confirms it...

When you have nothing to lose.

The best advice I have gotten in al long while is "what do you have to lose?". My FAVOURITE lecturer ( this lady is the kind we grew up reading about those professors that felt like professors). She is strict, gives a lot of work makes you think and is encouraging. Go do it kwani what is the worst that can happen? She says over and over and over again.
Come to think of it what is the worse that can happen?
A big no perhaphs,
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SCENARIOS

1. You pitch a story to a newspaper. Worst case it is not published. WORST CASE that can never ever happen  (WCTCNEH) T IS PUBLISHED WITH THE EDITOR SAYING Y IT IS NOT GOOD AND YOU SHOULD NEVER WRITE AGAIN.

2. You meet up with your career hero and tell the person how much you admire them and would one day love to work with them. And the like i.e Networking..

Worst case:  You are asked some strict questions that leave you speechless. WORST CASE that can never ever happen ( WCTCNEH) you start crying and or fall and your hero leaves you with a look that says “ I would never hire you neither will I forget you.”

3.You apply for a job that requires more experience and skills than you have.

Worst case scenario a plain no

Crazy random thoughts for a crazy random day

I feel like running away to a world where I belong.
A place where books are LOVED.
A place where people are sweet and nice and friendly.
But then I guess I would never know if they are being nice. Today I thought I would meet a guy I admire the most. I think I am his no. 1 fan. He is the great, ironical, satirical, hilarious Tony Mochama. But the guy is avoiding me (I think). Reasons y:
1. He was supposed to be launching his book at Storymoja, I went prepared to FINALLY meet him. Sad for me he did not turn up.
2. He was supposed to turn up for the launch of our school newspaper but again he was a no show. Now I am completely sure I never was meant to meet him YET.
So being that I want to rant ( Dear family note this is one of the instances that I do not have to be angry to write)
I have a feeling the future is not going to be what I expected it to be. I am not as agressive i.e I am shy extra shy. My feelings are close to the surface i.e hurt easily.
Today I finally accept that maybe it is not a bad thing for that. Maybe it is not a bad thing that I wear my heart on my sleeve or that I fall apart when someone I admire completly down plays my work.
Maybe ( I sure am optimistic) it is part of my strength.
On that note, I have a lecturer I really aadmire. She is tough and sweet at the same time. She has a do not mess thing going on but also a you can talk to me kind of thing going on. I think we all need a person like her in our lives. Someone who will look at you and tell you things will be okay but you have to do one two three.
I love writing I really do but I think I will have to move away from it coz apparently I need an edge and I do not know how to get it.
I smile tho I break
I walk tho I stumble
I enjoy tho I cry...
:::)))
I miss Wahome Mutahi's great works of art. (That was in other news)

Me n My Heavenly father.

When I was a child, one of my earliest memories of church was getting an X on the back of my hand which meant that I would be given a sweet at the end of the class. My oldre sister always got enough sweets to share so I was assured of a sweet every Sunday. Hehe, I guess I should be thankful to her for knowing the Bible so well and actually learning the memory verses.
As I grew older and moved to ocha, I found a book of Bible stories. The book became a good friend. I loved the pictures and stories especially the one on Queen Esther. I am walking you down my journey with God. Before the ocha going, was nursery in the city. Nursery where our teacher taught us psalms  91:7, and I have never forgotten the verse. Imagine nursery children chanting "A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you." 
Christmas the period we all loved. It was all about singing songs in our new clothes, forget the lines to the songs but still have fun. 
My theme of this story is my journey with God.

The day we all cried...

The sky is blue and the sun is bright. It is 12:00pm on a Friday and three cars slow down at the Jomo Kenyatta Airport. A white Peugeot, silver Mercedes and a red pickup drive into the parking lot.

From the Peugeot comes two children with smiles on their faces and an elderly lady in a green kitenge and crutches under her arms. Two men in suits and frowns on their faces rush to her side. Mama as they fondly call her has tears in her eyes and is determined to walk. Two young ladies in their teenage years and a man in a grey suit join them from the other cars.

The group of eight walks slowly almost in a line towards the arrival area. The three gentlemen in suits lead the way followed by the two boys with smiles and finally Mama on her crutches and leaning on the two ladies. One of them is arriving today. The prodigal son who has been away for eight years and who sickness has forced to come home.

As they wait in silence and anxiety, a young man in a blue sweater and jeans emerges. He is leaning heavily on a young lady who closely resembles him. In short and shaky steps he rushes into Mama’s arms. His face lights up and he shouts in joy “I am finally home.” With these words the tension in the air is broken and everyone rushes to hug him.

He laughs, he talks and cries. He is weak but happy. They were all worried about him but his laughter and look of joy sets a happy mood. They relax he is home and safe. He has given them hope and a his wide smile says relax I will be okay.

Dear swts
I am hurting today. I feel like tearing up. It has been a long week. I feel like a bee who's honey has been taken away and friends killed. Okay that is an exaggeration but it gives you a good idea of what is going on.
Then when I feel like nothing else can go wrong am hit by a wave of optimism. For some reason it makes me feel even worse.
I need a life I mean I need a hobby. I should not spend so much time with words. I know it sounds terrible but to me it makes sense. This is one of those days you wake up and look around and wonder where you are and where you are heading to.
When I am as angry as today as sad as today then I write. I curse and I scream in words. Sure you cannot hear me but you sure do make me feel better.
 I am sure that tomorrow I will be smiling and wondering what the heck was I on yesterday.
I think with my heart when I know I shouldnt
I feel so small but then again so is a mosquito :)
Today will pass
Tomorrow will come
I will smile and be happy
But I will not forget you
You my friend when everything is gloomy and the world seems dark

My Beginning of the ending.

"Bright and shining beautiful day it is. Time to change the monotonous style of life and surprise myself. I am a nice naive shy girl lost in the middle of normalcy and trying to find herself and for once make her voice heard. This is how I plan to do it. I plan to say a poem instead of a speech on Monday when everyone else will be saying a persuasive speech. I plan to tear a top and make it into a wild creation of mine that would still be okay according to Daystar laws and regulations.
I plan to surprise a mean girl and tell her exactly what I feel about her every time I look at her and smile in her directions. Maybe its time to be truthful well its said the truth hurts. Time to write and send it far away to be read and judged by a stranger.
I have felt love, been hurt and cried. I have never ventured out of my comfort zone. I have never stood up for that one person who the class always laughed at. I joined her in my silence and thought the fact that I dint laugh made me feel like a better person. I know it was wrong but that is the strength of normalcy. The one that makes you wear jeans even when you love shorts because the crowd."
Reality hits, alas its real life. I may want to stand up to that mean girl but I won't.
I may want tobe different but the courage fails me.
I make but I do not do.
I wish but on the outside I am still the shy girl who is afraid to be judged and found wanting.
The one who will be in aroom full of people but quiet in the corner.
The girl who opens and blossoms in the company of friends and family but to the rest crumbles and crawls away.