Me n My Heavenly father.

When I was a child, one of my earliest memories of church was getting an X on the back of my hand which meant that I would be given a sweet at the end of the class. My oldre sister always got enough sweets to share so I was assured of a sweet every Sunday. Hehe, I guess I should be thankful to her for knowing the Bible so well and actually learning the memory verses.
As I grew older and moved to ocha, I found a book of Bible stories. The book became a good friend. I loved the pictures and stories especially the one on Queen Esther. I am walking you down my journey with God. Before the ocha going, was nursery in the city. Nursery where our teacher taught us psalms  91:7, and I have never forgotten the verse. Imagine nursery children chanting "A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you." 
Christmas the period we all loved. It was all about singing songs in our new clothes, forget the lines to the songs but still have fun. 
My theme of this story is my journey with God.

The day we all cried...

The sky is blue and the sun is bright. It is 12:00pm on a Friday and three cars slow down at the Jomo Kenyatta Airport. A white Peugeot, silver Mercedes and a red pickup drive into the parking lot.

From the Peugeot comes two children with smiles on their faces and an elderly lady in a green kitenge and crutches under her arms. Two men in suits and frowns on their faces rush to her side. Mama as they fondly call her has tears in her eyes and is determined to walk. Two young ladies in their teenage years and a man in a grey suit join them from the other cars.

The group of eight walks slowly almost in a line towards the arrival area. The three gentlemen in suits lead the way followed by the two boys with smiles and finally Mama on her crutches and leaning on the two ladies. One of them is arriving today. The prodigal son who has been away for eight years and who sickness has forced to come home.

As they wait in silence and anxiety, a young man in a blue sweater and jeans emerges. He is leaning heavily on a young lady who closely resembles him. In short and shaky steps he rushes into Mama’s arms. His face lights up and he shouts in joy “I am finally home.” With these words the tension in the air is broken and everyone rushes to hug him.

He laughs, he talks and cries. He is weak but happy. They were all worried about him but his laughter and look of joy sets a happy mood. They relax he is home and safe. He has given them hope and a his wide smile says relax I will be okay.

Dear swts
I am hurting today. I feel like tearing up. It has been a long week. I feel like a bee who's honey has been taken away and friends killed. Okay that is an exaggeration but it gives you a good idea of what is going on.
Then when I feel like nothing else can go wrong am hit by a wave of optimism. For some reason it makes me feel even worse.
I need a life I mean I need a hobby. I should not spend so much time with words. I know it sounds terrible but to me it makes sense. This is one of those days you wake up and look around and wonder where you are and where you are heading to.
When I am as angry as today as sad as today then I write. I curse and I scream in words. Sure you cannot hear me but you sure do make me feel better.
 I am sure that tomorrow I will be smiling and wondering what the heck was I on yesterday.
I think with my heart when I know I shouldnt
I feel so small but then again so is a mosquito :)
Today will pass
Tomorrow will come
I will smile and be happy
But I will not forget you
You my friend when everything is gloomy and the world seems dark

My Beginning of the ending.

"Bright and shining beautiful day it is. Time to change the monotonous style of life and surprise myself. I am a nice naive shy girl lost in the middle of normalcy and trying to find herself and for once make her voice heard. This is how I plan to do it. I plan to say a poem instead of a speech on Monday when everyone else will be saying a persuasive speech. I plan to tear a top and make it into a wild creation of mine that would still be okay according to Daystar laws and regulations.
I plan to surprise a mean girl and tell her exactly what I feel about her every time I look at her and smile in her directions. Maybe its time to be truthful well its said the truth hurts. Time to write and send it far away to be read and judged by a stranger.
I have felt love, been hurt and cried. I have never ventured out of my comfort zone. I have never stood up for that one person who the class always laughed at. I joined her in my silence and thought the fact that I dint laugh made me feel like a better person. I know it was wrong but that is the strength of normalcy. The one that makes you wear jeans even when you love shorts because the crowd."
Reality hits, alas its real life. I may want to stand up to that mean girl but I won't.
I may want tobe different but the courage fails me.
I make but I do not do.
I wish but on the outside I am still the shy girl who is afraid to be judged and found wanting.
The one who will be in aroom full of people but quiet in the corner.
The girl who opens and blossoms in the company of friends and family but to the rest crumbles and crawls away.

I sit down and gaze at the future
Hoping to see it full of light and love and happiness.
The present is depressing the future has to be better.
The chance to make right the wrong
The chance to see a bright day
The hole is small
The darkness is overwhelming
But the struggle continues
Hope has to live
In order for me to survive
Tears cannot be shed anymore
Prayers are said in desperate tones
Faith is dying day by day.